If you were in Manchester, Rotterdam, Chicago or any parts of Africa, you probably have met a guy with Richard mentality.
Every Friday at the club, after second pint, someone would bring up marriage talk.
Richard would lean back and laugh. Get married? Me? And give up my freedom. No chance, why would I commit to one person when I can have company whenever I want? I work hard.
I have got my own money, no arguments, no divorce drama, no splitting assets. I am good.
To his married friends, buried in mortgage and diaper duty, Richard looked like he had cracked the code.
. Richard had a solid job in logistics, decent salary, company car, two bedrooms apartment he kept spotless.
He don't hustle for girls, girls are looking for him.
He had cash, confidence and zero interest in being tied down.
His mum would call from village " when will I get grandkids, Richard? He will answer, mum, kids are expensive, holidays are cheaper, he will joke with those words and wire $200 for her upkeep.
He went to weddings, gave generous gift, danced. Told the groom " if it gets too much, my couch is free" everyone laughed. His best friend Tom didn't.
His 30s were peack, Richard with promotion, a nicer car , weekend in different location, he wasn't lonely, he was selective. No 2 am baby cries, no parent teacher meeting. Just him, enjoyment and freedom.
Time doesn't send a calendar invite. It just shows up
At 43, Richard tore his meniscus jogging. The recovery was slow. The women he met started calling him Mr Richard instead of "Rich" the word sat wrong, but he ignored it.
By 50s, layoffs hit his company, he kept his job, but raises stopped.
Meanwhile, the going rate for company had gone up. The same $200 that used to guarantee a great night now just got a polite maybe next week.
He blamed inflation. It wasn't inflation.
At 56, his hair was grey, his dating pool was now woman who also didn't want commitment, which meant they didn't want him either. His apartment felt bigger quieter.
His mum passed at 78, at the funeral, relative ask, so no wife? No kids?
He shrugged " still enjoying life" that night, he reheated a microwave meal for one and realized he hadn't heard his own voice all day.
Tom retired and moved to Florida with his grandkids. He had video call with him sometimes .
Richard would see toddler climbing on Tom,he will hear grampa in the background, and end the call quick. Bad connection he will say.
At 62, Richard retired, no party,HR mailed his watch, the next morning, his alarm didn't go off. No reason to.
Then migraine started. He ignored them until he blacked out at the grocery store.
In the clinic, the doctor was blunt, your blood pressure is 185 over 115. That's hypertension.
Stage 2, you are under chronic stress and you live alone as you told us. Is there any family we can call?
Today, Richard is 67, he takes hypertension medicine every morning, checks his BP. Sit on his balcony.
Listen to this
Fear of marriage is normal, no one wants heartbreak, divorce or lost freedom but don't let bad example define your future. Marriage isn't prison. It is who you choose and how you build it.paid companionship end when money or health does. Casual freedom feels good at 30s but silence hurt at 60s.
A good marriage gives you a teammate for life battle, someone to share bills,joy, and old age.
Loneliness is also risky, it fuels stress, high blood pressure and regret.
Choose wisely, but don't choose loneliness out of fear.
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