Marriage is under attack.
If you’ve been married 2 years or 20 years, you’ve felt it. The divorce rate. The silence. The “we grew apart.”
Someone sent me an email, that I should write on this topic " reason why marriage is crashing in this 21st century"
As a relationship Adviser who counsels couples every week, I’m going to tell you the truth no one wants to say:
Marriage isn’t failing because love is dead. It’s failing because we’re doing it wrong in the 21st century.
This generation has more access to marriage advice, therapy, and tools than any generation before. Yet more marriages are crashing than ever. Why?
Today I’m breaking down the 10 biggest reasons marriage is crashing in the 21st century — and giving you biblical, expert solutions to protect your own.
If your marriage feels dry, distant, or on the edge, this is for you. Don’t give up. God can restore what feels broken.
1. The Social Media Comparison Trap
The Problem:
We don’t compare our marriage to our neighbor anymore. We compare it to davido wedding , peller wedding, couples on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook.
She posts anniversary trips to Dubai.
He posts flowers every Friday.
Your feed says “marriage should look like this”... and your real life doesn’t.
Result? Discontentment. Ingratitude. “Is this all there is?”
The Expert Truth:
Social media shows highlights, not habits. You’re comparing your behind-the-scenes to someone else’s trailer.
The Godly Solution:
Psalm 37:4 “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”
Unfollow accounts that make you resent your spouse. Gratitude journal 3 things about your marriage daily. Your marriage is not for likes. It’s for legacy.
2. We Married For Feelings, Not Covenant
The Problem:
21st century dating said: “Marry who makes you feel good.”
But feelings change. Jobs change. Bodies change. Kids change you.
When the feeling fades, people think “I married the wrong person” instead of “I need to love the right person better.”
The Expert Truth:
Marriage is a covenant, not a contract. A contract says “if you do your part, I’ll do mine.”
A covenant says “I’m with you even when it’s hard.”
The Godly Solution:
Malachi 2:14 “The Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth.”
Go back to your vows. Say them again out loud. Remind yourself: I chose you before God. Feelings follow obedience.
3. Lack Of Communication + Too Much Phone Use
The Problem:
Couples sit on the same couch and text other people.
We have 24/7 access to each other but we’re more disconnected than ever.
Men shut down. Women vent to friends. Nobody talks to the spouse.
The Expert Truth:
Silence kills intimacy faster than fighting. What you don’t talk about, the enemy will.
The Godly Solution:
Ephesians 4:29 “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up.”
Rule: No phones at dinner. 20 minutes daily: “How is your heart?” Ask. Listen. Don’t fix. Just be there.
4. Financial Stress and Debt
The Problem:
Inflation. Student loans. "Buy now, pay later."
Money is the #1 reason couples fight in the 21st century.
One spouse spends. The other saves. Both are stressed. Shame enters. Blame starts.
The Expert Truth:
It’s rarely about the money. It’s about trust, control, and fear of the future.
The Godly Solution:
Proverbs 22:7 “The borrower is slave to the lender.”
Sit down monthly. Budget together. Pray over your finances. Be transparent. God is your provider, not your paycheck. Unity in money = peace in marriage.
5. Pornography and Digital Infidelity
The Problem:
Your phone is a door to temptation 24/7.
Porn. DM flirting. “Harmless” chats. Emotional affairs.
It starts small. Then it numbs your heart for your spouse.
The Expert Truth:
Infidelity doesn’t start in bed. It starts with secrecy.
Porn rewires your brain to want novelty instead of covenant.
The Godly Solution:
Job 31:1 “I have made a covenant with my eyes.”
Install accountability. Be brutally honest. Delete apps. Get help. Confess to God and to each other. Healing is possible. God restores.
6. We Don’t Prioritize God In The Home
The Problem:
We pray for our marriage in crisis, but not in peace.
No Bible. No prayer together. No church. God is an afterthought.
A 3-cord marriage without God is just 2 people pulling apart.
The Expert Truth:
Ecclesiastes 4:12 “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
God is the third strand.
The Godly Solution:
Deuteronomy 6:6-7 “These words shall be on your heart... Teach them to your children.”
5 minutes: Pray together before bed. Read 1 verse. Invite God into your marriage daily. Not just on Sunday.
7. Unrealistic Expectations From Movies + Romance Culture
The Problem:
Netflix told us marriage = constant passion, no conflict, grand gestures.
Reality = dishes, bills, sickness, and being tired.
When reality hits, people think “This isn’t love” and quit.
The Expert Truth:
Love is a decision, not just a feeling. Real romance is choosing each other in the boring seasons.
The Godly Solution:
1 Corinthians 13:7 “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
Talk about expectations early. Serve each other in small ways. That IS romance.
8. No Mentors, No Community
The Problem:
Previous generations had grandparents, pastors, and elders in the home.
21st century couples are isolated. We Google our problems instead of asking wiser couples.
When crisis hits, we have no one to call.
The Expert Truth:
You cannot do marriage alone. Proverbs 15:22 “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.”
The Godly Solution:
Find 1 older couple to mentor you. Join a marriage small group. Be vulnerable. Let people speak into your marriage before it crashes.
9. Individualism Over Teamwork
The Problem:
Culture says: “You do you.” “Focus on yourself.” “Don’t lose your identity.”
So we live like roommates with separate goals, separate bank accounts, separate lives.
We ask “What am I getting?” not “How can I serve?”
The Expert Truth:
Marriage is “we” not “me.” Genesis 2:24 “They shall become one flesh.”
The Godly Solution:
Philippians 2:3 “In humility count others more significant than yourselves.”
Ask weekly: “How can I serve you this week?” Dream together. Budget together. Parent together. Be a team again.
10. We Quit Too Fast Instead of Fighting For It
The Problem:
Divorce is one click away. Therapy is expensive. Talking is hard.
So when it gets hard, we leave.
But every marriage has a "winter season." If you quit in winter, you’ll never see spring.
The Expert Truth:
Most couples who divorce say 2 years later “I wish we tried harder.”
The problem wasn’t the person. It was the lack of perseverance.
The Godly Solution:
Galatians 6:9 “Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”
Get counseling. Go to prayer. Read books. Fight for your marriage like your life depends on it — because your children’s lives do.
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How To Protect Your Marriage In The 21st Century: 5 Daily Habits
Knowing the problems isn’t enough. Here’s what to DO:
Pray Together Daily - 2 minutes. God covers what you can’t.
Speak Life Daily - 1 text, 1 compliment, 1 “I’m proud of you”
Protect Your Eyes and Phone - No secrets. Full access. Accountability.
Date Each Other Monthly - Even if it’s coffee after church. Connection on purpose.
Get Into Community - You need other married couples walking with God.
Final Word: Marriage Is Worth Fighting For
The 21st century will keep trying to crash your marriage.
Distractions. Debt. Doubt. The enemy hates covenant.
But God is not done with your story.
If you’re reading this and your marriage feels cold, start today. Send one text. Say one prayer. Book one counseling session.
Read this story of restoration and hope:
God specializes in putting broken things back together.
Which of these 10 reasons hit home for you?
Comment below. Let’s pray for each other 👇
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