Being a good wife or husband isn't about something you should joke about as a Man or woman in every area of life,
The kids are crying, bills are due, and someone forget to the needful.
That's where marriage is built, not in the weeding photos. In the daily choice.
If you want to be a good wife or husband to your spouse, it's not magic, it's 7 habit, some are hard. All of them are worth it.
1 choose respect over being right.
You will disagree about money, in-laws, parenting, who to wash kids clothes. A good spouse doesn't fight to win, they fight to understand.
You can be right and still lose your marriage. Listen first. Defend later. Sometimes never ask , do you want advice or do you want to just listen?.
That one question has saved More marriage than couples therapy.
Can you keep quiet, pause while your partner is angry? , if yes, you will be shocked how fast tension drops when there is a listening ears.
2 protect your spouse in public and private.
Being a good husband or wife means you are on the same team, even when no one is watching.
That means:
1 in public: don't embarrass them. Don't use abusive words as jokes about your spouse. Loyalty is sexy.
2 in private: don't hold grudges. Don't use their insecurities against them in fight. You know their secret where it hurts, don't aim there.
Your spouse should feel safest with you. If they don't, they will find safety somewhere else.
3 carry your weight, then some.
Marriage is not 50/50, some days it's 90/10 .
If your spouse is sick, stressed or drowning in work, being a good husband/ wife means you pick 90 percent without keeping score.
As your spouse, what one thing I can take off your shoulder this week?. Then actually do it. No reminder needed.
Money, chores taking care of kids, emotions- the work is never even. Strong couples don't split it, they cover for each other.
4 keep dating after I do.
Boredom kills more marriage because you were trying, keep trying. Argument in marriage is normal, but a good spouse create spark on purpose. 30mins a week with no phones, kids, no problem. Cook together. Walk,flirt like you are not married yet.
If you stop dating your spouse, another person will help you.
5 fight clean, repair fast.
All couple quarrel, good couples repairs.
* Bad quarrel: yelling, name calling, silent treatment, bring up old injuries.
* Good quarrel: I feel hurt when you treat me this way, I need us to, can we try again.
You will hurt each other. It's not if, it's when.
Being a good wife or husband means you say sorry first even when you are 40% wrong. Because pride increase violence.
6 be their peace, not their pressure.
Life is already hard. Work stress, street traffic, family problem, cooking stress.
Your home should be where your spouse exhale.
Ask yourself, when my spouse sees me calling, do they smile or sigh? .
A good husband or wife reduce stress , not add to it.
That means managing your own emotions, not dumping every bad day on them.
It means being a soft place to land.
7 grow, so you don't grow apart.
The person you married at 25 is not the same person at 35, you are both changing.
If only one person grows, you grow apart. Read books or always search this blog "liferealityanswers.blogspot.com " t o learn what will help you grow in wisdom, go to therapy- heal your trauma.
Learn how to handle money, learn how to apologize.
You have changed should be a compliment not complaint. Grow together on purpose. As what is one.
Things you need from me this season? Every 6 months. Answers will change.
Final truth.
Being a good wife or husband isn't one big thing. It's 1000 small things.
* Making their how they like it.
* Saying thank you for ordinary stuff.
* Touching their back when you pass by
* Defending them to your mom.
* Choosing them especially on a boring day.
You won't get right every day. Nobody does. But if your spouse feel chosen, respected, and safe, 80% of the time, you are winning at marriage.
Do small thing from this list before bed. Don't announce it. Just do it, consistency beats grand gesture.
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